I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
