you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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