In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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