why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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