oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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