hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
