How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
