Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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