Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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