Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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