Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
