I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
