No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
