so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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