Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Then you guys just all showered together...?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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