Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
