Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
is it fun? or sober?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
