I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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