drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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