I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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