My room smells like vodka and shame
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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