oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
