the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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