Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
