wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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