Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
