just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
