I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
