So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
