Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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