a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
