when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
