im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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