Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize