I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
