yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
