so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
