Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize