Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
