i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
