You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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