dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
