fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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