Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
