I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
