just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
