I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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