I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
