I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
