i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
