How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
