my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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