The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
