i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
