Porn is love you can see.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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