Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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