Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
