I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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