pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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