I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
