From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
