Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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