Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
