Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
