I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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