I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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