Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
